The terrifying, Odessa File, foot conspiracy.
All of the above, and more, can be yours for just £5.99 in 36 monthly instalments.
No, it's no use, I have no idea either.
Best go change socks before the bullfinch nests in them.*
* Honestly, I only had one half pint and a quarter of a game of snooker on a full sized table, I am not even slightly pissed.
For official/internal use only:
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