How to sell stuff.
It's a piece of cake really.
First get yourself some up-tempo popular music. Something from anywhere in the past fifty odd years will generally be fine, a bit of music that has stood the test of time. The music need not bear any relation to or connection with the item you wish to sell.
Remove the dynamic range of the multifarious instruments, rhythms and timbres and replace with a single, very sparsely played, acoustic guitar.
Find the nearest self-absorbed teenager to add just the right level of angst, one with a mimsy and whispery vocal delivery will be ideal. Male or female, either will do equally well.
Then, ensure that the tempo is in the middle of grave (30 odd bpm will do) and played almost in modo di marcia funebre. Don't worry, it doesn't matter that the song was expressing great happiness and good cheer, the contrasting style adds a completely unclichéd and not at all tired irony.
To finish it off you'll just need to add some video about your product. That might be mobile phone tariffs, banking, small town-runabout cars, beard wax, whatever, it will do for anything. They will all work and you will sell tonnes of product.
That's it really.
Good luck.
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