Tuesday 18 October 2016

Day 732, Fallen leaves and candlesticks


As you put your winter drawers on and the nights turn cold it's time to break out the sole source of heating.  That's assuming the candles made from the rendered fat of the neighbours you had to eviscerate when they tried to steal you last tin of pickled quinoa haven't been eaten by mice.

Here in the post 'event' world oop-north things are tough, but not as tough as those in That London.  Even before the event That Londoner had to have bars on the inside of their windows.  The bars weren't, as was commonly assumed, to prevent entryists from swinging the balance of cheese ownership into the favour of someone else.  No.  The bars were there for when the Londonista waking from Stilton based nightmares realise the nightmare is less bad than the reality and proceeds to attempt to hurl themself out of the window, often with the effect that they fell upwards of a metre to the pavement.  Now however there is no cheese, things are very much worse...

With the candle successfully lit, after a brief battle with the ferrocerium rod, it's time to warm up the crisp autumn leaves.  Autumn leaves, according to Eddie McGee, can be a vital source of mineral nutrients when times are hard, particularly the minerals phosphorous, nitrogen, potassium and magnesium.  Grylls and Mears owe a lot to Eddie, without him they wouldn't be carrying so much adipose tissue after their visits to the woods and their mineral content would see their daily average intake being well below WHO guidelines.

Ahh, food of the old, pre 'event', world.

We can now only dream.

But we're the lucky ones.

If only they had such luxuries in That London as trees, candlesticks, and neighbours.*


* This is what happens when you don't speak to anyone all day and you've run out of different ways to put the tea cosy on your head.


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