Day 292, Top Dystopia, The Three Blokes

Maybe you've been a fan of The Three Blokes.  You know the ones, they've been on our TV screens for years presenting their massive hit show, Top Dystopia.  Maybe you wouldn't call yourself a fan but you enjoyed watching their antics on a Sunday evening.  Well, it's possible to see them outside of the TV.

I had the pleasure of seeing them live recently at one of the non-TV events.  As it turned out they had to change their plans after an unfortunate incident where one of the troupe had a contretemps with an underling.  This meant there had to be a distancing of them from their employer and they had to drop the name Top Dystopia Live.  However, a little tweaking of the title and they arrived with their names intact -The Three Blokes - and there they were doing loads of stuff with expensive cars.

Well, I say they did loads of stuff with expensive cars, but it wasn't quite like that.  There was a lot of video filler, and a key member of the outfit was missing.  This was due to them not owning the rights to various parts of Top Dystopia and so those bits had to be dropped, including the tame bloke in a white suit.  They also talked a lot slower than usual, and seemed to be very keen on repetition, this consumed more time.  The show was 30 minutes shorter than originally advertised, due to the lack of rights ownership.

Obviously there's a bit of cognitive dissonance on my part, one week going to see The Three Blokes, and the next week going to see The Right On Comedian.  But, you know, human beings are complex creatures and have a peculiar habit of not fitting into the boxes that others invent for them.  But hey, maybe I've learned something.

And on it went, slowly.  Very, very slowly.

Eleven expensive cars were produced, now this is where my petrolhead knowledge let me down as I didn't have a clue what most of these vehicles were.  They were driven out and lined up very, very slowly.  This part went on for ages, as if any of the vehicles if moved too quickly would suffer damage - this from vehicles renowned for their 'performance'.

What was that?  Oh sorry, nodded off.

Now I've seen a variation of this show before in Birmingham at the NEC, there had been all sorts of stuff happening, impressive stunts, races round indoor circuits with proper racing drivers, spectacular events of all kinds.  But not this time.  It was all very prolonged, drawn out, extended, repetitious, protracted, stretched, and not very impressive.

Then they talked about the cars, for ages, and the theme of 'very, very slowly' continued.

Then they had some 'banter' about who liked what and why, and why that made each of them a fool.  One of The Three Blokes had recently bought one of the models of very expensive cars, and what's more he'd gone for the optional stripe.  They had more 'banter' about the cost of the stripe, how expensive it was, and what a mug he was for paying the enormous amount of £6500 for what was essentially a 'wide line'.  All the while the immensely wealthy Three Blokes talked as if this was crazy, in the manner of ordinary 'Mondeo man' plebs down the pub who would be pushing the boat out to pay for the dog guard, alloy wheels, and parking sensor extras on a new Ford Zetec.  This didn't really sit with reality as every one of The Three Blokes could have purchased the full set of the eleven supercars many times over given that they are wadded beyond belief.  The prime one of The Three Blokes is said to have a net worth of £30million, which would easily have bought the collected supercars and still left enough change to buy at least one luxury yacht - luxury yachts really put the price of supercars to shame.

And every now and then, while they presented their bogus world view, completely unchallenged, this Bill Hicks line would run through my mind.

You are free, to do as we tell you.
You are free, to do as we tell you.
You are free, to do as we tell you.

Because for any talk of this as "just a bit of fun" there are people that believe the perverse view of the world presented and who accept it in an unquestioning manner as if the burden of thought saved prevents the discomfort of cognitive dissonance on their part.  And the presentation was such that it occasionally felt like some sort of political rally, 'consumption is good', 'environmental weirdos are weirdos', 'consumption is good'...

You are free, to do as we tell you.
You are free, to do as we tell you.
You are free, to do as we tell you.
You are free, to believe what we tell you.
You are free, to choose not to spend your money on this rubbish.

Good, I won't ever again.

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