Day 567, One, Two, Three, Four

Five, Six, Seven.

They are the numbers.

They said "your number's up."  But they failed to explain what they meant, so I just made something up and hoped for the best.

Look, it's a pub.  This is a proper corner snug like what you used to get in pubs before they turned them all into barns with no internal walls.*  Removing walls means you can fit more drinkers in, make them all stand up by not providing tables and chairs, and reap the rewards as people drink faster due to always having the glass in their hands.  It doesn't matter that customers move on, often to the next barn, just as long as there is footfall and turnover.

Cynical huh?

Obviously most pubs like that are completely shit.**

Their number is up too.  People don't develop a connection with a barn like drinking space.  If something appears with a smidgen of character, a drinking space with a wall for example, then it has the edge.  How many edges depends on the shape and number of walls.

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, or more.  Count how many edges you can see in the pub you are in.  I'll do the same tomorrow.***

* This room used to be the serving area for hot roast pork sandwiches on Sunday mornings.
** Almost without exception.
*** None of this may appear to make sense, trust me, it doesn't.

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Day 565, The Shelfish Gene: a voyage of personal discovery

Alright, let’s over think this.

Why aren’t these shelves that I put up being used effectively?

I’ve always had some level of reluctance to put heavy things on these shelves. Well maybe not just 'not put' heavy things there as there have been a few heavy items up there.  What I really mean is put heavy items on the shelf from a point just beyond a third of the way along from the left hand end. The left hand end is supported robustly by a wall - the other end of the shelf is only attached to the wall along the back of the shelves. The right hand end is supported by a terminating board between the two shelves which keeps them the correct height apart. This vertical board is solidly screwed into the wall.

The shelf is effectively floating at the right hand end other than along the back. This would be fine if the shelves were narrow and only contained paperback books. This shelf however is 30 cm deep and isn’t just for small paperback books.  The extra depth of the shelf makes putting any heavy item near the edge of the shelf more of a problem - Archimedes recognised this phenomenon when he was putting up shelves in his Syracuse home, hence his great understanding of the nature of leverage.

So that’s it, I've worked out that my concern stems from understanding Archimedes. I think that must be a win. Only 2000 odd years to go before I discover how to get water from downstairs to upstairs, I'm still working on it.

Back to the shelf.

Maybe if had bolted the end board into the wall rather than using long screws and plugs that would have inspired more confidence?

Maybe if I put a couple of small, diagonal, supports at the less supported end that would inspire more confidence?

One other thing, the shelf is flexing in the middle. The front middle is lower than each end of the front and is lower than the back. Part of this problem is due to there being a ‘yet to be fitted’ central support which attaches to both shelves and also screws into the wall.

The first task is to put the central support in. Then put in two diagonal supports under the lower shelf - the diagonal supports can fulfil a dual purpose with a dowel or multiple dowels running between them which can be used for hanging various items from.

Ok, so that’s it over-thunk and I'm happy that this will remove the uncertainty in the effectiveness of the shelves.

Let’s do it!

First part done, I immediately fitted the mid-shelf support. Now to fit the diagonal supports, although I don't appear to have the right length screws, perhaps Archimedes has something to say about that.

Shelf without the mid-shelf support.

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Day 564, Titanium Reinforced Technology

I have no idea whether these are any good or not.  This is mainly due to me still not clearing the workspace for the guitar fettling.  I really should get on and shake a tail feather.*  But once the workspace is clear, and the guitar has been fettled, and all the new and polished bits are back in place then these magic strings will be fitted and some blues will be attempted.

Alternatively, once the magic strings are on I will just sit back and watch the guitar play itself, because for a tenner they really ought to do the work for you.

Slinkyyyyyyyyyyy.

* From the song and the various films. 


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Day 563, Knock on effects

The difficulty in finding somewhere to stand, let alone put things, is ridiculous.  Surely the whole point of the modern world is that our lives are easier, decisions are less complex, and problems are solvable with the minimum of fuss and possibly with some type of cash back guarantee.

Harrumph.

There is just too much stuff.  What I need is a house the size of Chatsworth.  Perhaps then it would be possible to circumnavigate a room without knocking over a pile of antique guitar magazines or a priceless collection of second hand books.  Here I am, wedged in and forced to sleep upright due to the many items of quality tat and objets d'art occupying my living arrangements and jostling for space.

The above is typical of my explication when describing some types of event or circumstance.  It tends to be hyperbolic and delivered with an air of exasperation.  And it is false.  I have no real concerns other than a vague niggling annoyance about the thing, assuming that thing isn't unfairness or inequality otherwise it's a different subject.

I'm trying to make some space to refurbish a guitar.  This has led to me trying to dispose of a pile of magazines*, moving boxes of tools, retrieving 2.5 metre long shelving from the shed, relocating books from one shelf to another, collecting and organising an enormous pile of sporting wear**, filing a large box of out of date Victory V lozenges somewhere, and generally moving around all the usual detritus of modern day life.  And this effort to make space is getting done, it's just taking a little time.

A positive side-effect of all of this is that I've been reviewing some of the classy and wonderful things in my possession and deciding which can leave to enhance the life of someone else.***

Amongst the things that can live on elsewhere are:
a Roland Pad 80, Octapad II****
a copy of the book Success With Mathematics*****
a bag of exhausted and defunct batteries of a variety of types

and many, many more!

Fortunately the reorganisation doesn't depend on these things leaving the area, it is possible to pile them up elsewhere.  Once that collection of unintended consequences has been resolved, and there's somewhere to sit never mind stand, then this pickup can be installed in the guitar.

And that will be some sort of result.


* Guitar magazines, as mentioned previously, I keep finding more of the bloody things.
** Like I'm Lasse Virén or Beryl Burton - what, you don't know who they are? Ok, Mo Farah or Bradley Wiggins.
*** Or go in the bin, I'm easy.
**** I don't need no stinking drum based MIDI trigger device.
***** Used some time ago during Open Uni degree progress, I'm pretty sure maths hasn't changed much since.



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Day 562, The Fifth Element

I'm not sure how many grill elements I've replaced on the oven but it can't be far off five.

It appears to be a design feature of the Hotpoint BS-22 grill that it is supported only along the length at the front side of the element.  It could really do with a second support along the rear as this would prevent the element from starting to droop over the period of repeated heat cycles.

There's a secondary problem.  The self tapping screws that retain the support had previously been replaced with screws which are less than ideal.  Obviously the element had been replaced a few times before I got my screwdriver on it and at some point the original screws have been lost or became no longer fit for purpose.

The support bar is also getting bent out of shape, and the screw holes are getting more worn and larger with each replacement, which might explain why there are no original screws.

Quality engineering.*

This cooker has probably already had replacement parts greater than the cost of a new oven.

What I could really do with are some short, self-tapping screws, of a slightly smaller diameter to the current holes.  It would be ideal if the pitch of the thread on these screws was equivalent to the thickness of the steel with the hole.  But sod that, the replacement grill is in and I'm not going to touch it until it bends out of shape or the screws drop out.

Perhaps there is a grill element out there, somewhere, some sort of legendary cosmic element that fits correctly and doesn't become misshapen through use.  Would it be too much to get Milla Jovovich and Bruce Willis on the case to look for it? - If Bruce is unavailable that's fine.

* This is sarcasm.

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Day 561, Sorting out the jazz mags

Time to sort out the guitar porn - acoustic, rock, and actual jazz mags.

A small tower block of these things have been sitting in boxes for years.  Kept for their guitar tabs, tips and techniques, unused and clinging as if a papery white elephant.  Carried from house to house like some Sisyphian boulder as I've moved further and further up the hill.

The thing that has prevented me putting them in the recycling has been my attachment to the guitar tab they contain.  Tab that I can't part with even though I haven't looked at it since the magazines were closed and put to one side after being read soon after they were bought.

Many of the magazines are from the late 80s and 90s.  In fact many of the artistes featured are also now late.  The guitarists may be dead but the music lives on, some of it.  Quite a lot of the music sits mute on the closed pages.

Below is one of the more recent magazines.  This features Tony Iommi and is from December 2000, it also doesn't happen to have any tab, so easy to dispose of.  Unfortunately I can't recycle this immediately as someone else in the house has an interest in Dave from Slade and there is an interview with him within, however unlikely that may seem.

Binning this issue will have to wait.  In the meantime I'll continue cutting out the tab from the others, putting that to one side, and disposing of the unwanted material.  This will create a smaller pile of magazine detritus that should create less of a cognitive load whenever I have to consider tidying stuff up.  I might even get round to chucking it out anyway - after digitising it perhaps...*

* Bloody hell, how much effort would that take!

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Day 560, Snooker, the theta wave enhancer

After years of study research has finally been published, in the Gazzetta Medica Italiana, of the effect of late night snooker watching on the enhancement of theta brain wave activity.

A number of longitudinal observational trials were carried out across a range of cohorts including control groups.  The control groups were particularly tricky as it was necessary to make that cohort believe that the game they were watching was snooker when in actual fact it was golf.  The control required a huge amount of effort and lifelong deception, which is far too complex to go into here but is recounted in The Chrononomicon of Machiaveli the Eye Distractor.  Golf was chosen as the control due to the games interminable dullness and the possibility that it would send a viewer immediately to sleep.

The longitudinal trials confirmed the theory that theta brain wave activity was entered into more rapidly and with much deeper effect after watching late night snooker.

There was further anecdotal evidence that the activity also promoted weight loss, relaxation, and short term memory improvement, as well has having some type of effect on erectile dysfunction.  Although on second thoughts I may have turned over two pages of the published research by mistake.

My own anecdotal experience appears to bear out the research - the sleep related research.  Usually I find it is impossible to have a full night of uninterrupted sleep, it being common to wake three or more times.  And this disturbance is not due to noisy neighbours or pre-nocturnal fluid intake.  However after watching late night snooker for three evenings in succession I have had three solid nights of sleep, which is pretty impressive.

Case solved.

In conclusion I suggest that the Snooker World Championship should be held continuously throughout the year, particularly the semi-final stages.

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