Day 573, Static cycling

You too can expend a massive amount of energy by not going anywhere.

Yes, that's right, not going anywhere.

Fast.

Well not so fast actually, other than the legs.

The legs go fast, round and round.

What an idiot.

No that's not right, this is for fitness purposes which is surely a good thing.

And the celery, the endless celery, bulking up the main meals.

I do like celery but really, there is only so much celery a person can eat.

And apparently one celery stick is as bad for you as six cigarettes.

But who would eat six cigarettes, and where does this information come from.*

Is that six Park Drive, or Capstan Full Strength, or a pack of Marlboro Menthol, or whatever the fashionable fag du jour is.

I can't imagine that eating six e-cigarettes is that good for you either.

This has all gone wrong.

Static cycling, it raises the heart rate, it exercises the legs, it gets a person out of breath.

And these things are all good for you - unless they aren't.

So get on your bike and pedal off into the same place, unless it's bad for you personally, then don't do it.**

* Maybe I should be smoking the celery?
** My knees hurt, I may have overdone it.


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Day 572, Lines, lines, more lines, the tower

In the quest for ever more obscure rectilinear spaces here we have one less obscure.*

There are landscape windows commanding magnificent views of the surrounding grounds.

There are pillars, supports of the great edifice, the one true tower.

And there's more of this linear stuff, it's the parquet floor.

No triangles, lozenges or herringbone here, oh no, it's a very simple rectangular design.  

A design done purposefully to represent the organised and directed nature of the tower and the association with other activities on this floor.

If you want to know more about the great history of parquetry, why not visit the library, it's only over there.

Unless of course you want a public library, then tough tit proles the Tories aren't keen on that shit.**

* What a cop out.
** Honestly, some people will shoehorn this stuff in anywhere.

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Day 571, Pirates ahoy

Hard to see as usual, that's how they sneak up on you and steal your booty, there are some pirates in view.

Even once spotted it won't be clear that they are wearing traditional pirate costume.

This ability to blend into the background and be unrecognisable is almost certainly due to some form of mind-control and ability at misdirection on their part.

It had me fooled.

It was nothing to do with it being dark, an inability to hold still, and the quantity of beer consumed rendering phone camera operation too complex.

None of that.

I'm pretty sure they were dressed as pirates.

One of them also had a parrot on his head.  Or was it tinsel?

Anyway, it was definitely night time, the pirating hour.

Er...

Er...

They definitely weren't students.

Almost certainly not.

They wouldn't be up at that time would they, not in the period leading up to exams, definitely not boozing and carousing and dressed as pirates.

Oh.

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Day 570, The crane over the house

I read The Wheel on the School sometime back in the last century, possibly the early 1970s.  The story is about a group of school children who aim to attract storks to their village by putting a cart wheel on the school roof to provide them a nesting place.

Through cooperation and determination the children achieve their aim.

Below is a local, and successful, attempt to attract cranes to nest on a house in Sheffield - proving that even fully grown adults can achieve their goals sometimes if they put their minds to it.*

* This last paragraph to be read in the style of David Mitchell (the comedian, not the author.)

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Day 569, TEDz talk, secrets of a top CEO, for bears

I’m here today to talk to you about success.

That's right, success. And the steps you need to take to be a top operator in the world of business.

Imagine a world where that success could be yours.

What if I were to tell you that that world is closer than you could possibly imagine.

Now I'm nothing special. In fact I may come across as completely wooden - but that’s because I am! (cue laughter from the fourth bear from the left on the front row)

But seriously...  I am wooden.

I’ve had to live with that. But, from an early age I knew it wasn’t going to hold me back.  I took my lead from the top CEOs I’d heard about, right from when I was still only a sapling.  The top CEOs didn’t let being wooden hold them back.

And they didn’t let being psychopathic manipulative control freaking shit-weazles hold them back either.

No.

They utilised that power for being an unpleasant clack-fondler for their own ends.

And oh boy did that pay off.  And big time.

I have spent a lot of time not researching this subject. And I have spent an enormous amount of time over and above that making even more of my hard earned apparent knowledge up.

And you know what... It shows.

Because of that time I haven’t spent I thought I would share some of that ignorance with you.

Those top CEOs are very successful.

You know…  Success is a funny thing. People measure success in all sorts of ways.  I have chosen to measure success by how much money these CEOs have managed to make. It is the obvious, and only, metric. And I have measured their success by how much money they have managed to keep hold of even in the face of unspeakable claims made against them by redundant employees, rinsed pension funds, and overly curious tax inspectors.

Many of these successful CEOs get up at 4:30 am.

Many even more successful CEOs hardly sleep at all, which surprises me immensely given their complete lack of conscience... Which is a good thing.

Other successful CEOs read a book every single day.

That book is “How to be a Complete Shiz-smearer and Earn Admiration and Respect from Scum as you Grind Their Faces in the Dirt” - it is a classic read filled with essential CEO advice. Advice such as how to step on fingers while ascending the ladder, how to double deal, and how to undermine any threat from other prospective uber-CEO material allowing them to take the credit for deficiencies.

Many other successful CEOs are just intolerable bullies.  But hey, if it works don’t knock it.

Eventually I myself made it to the position of top successful CEO at many of my own short-lived businesses.

I gained what I believed was respect.  Certainly that’s how I interpreted it.  Respect from people that feared what I could do to them at a moment's notice with no opportunity for reprisal or appeal for unfair dismissal.

That respect was deserved.

And that respect has made me press on, continuing to build my portfolio of cash.

But there are downsides.

We all have to accept failure.  It is, after all, how we learn.

I have failed many times. Yes, I know, that surprises you doesn't it?

And when those moments of failure arrive I have learned to always make sure to have all my cash safely offshore before the final closing moment arrives.  It is also a valuable lesson I taught my employees and creditors, and in my generosity I did not charge them for it, which was only fair as they didn’t have anything left to give.

I shared my failure with them - I am not saying I am a generous person, but that is the obvious explanation - and if they had any sense they would learn from it.

So that's why you see me here today. Successful, measured by any evaluation which respects cash acquisition as the true arbiter.

Which leads me on to some final words, which I am not yet going to charge for.

What is the take home message?

The message underpinning this is, no matter how wooden you might be, always be flexible and swift to mobilise any assets. Always plan ahead by having all funds liquid and in someone else's name, preferably in some sunny location such as Monaco. And always, always be sure to give the credit for shortcomings to those at the bottom of the ladder.

That’s my story of success in the world of business, now let that be a lesson to you.

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Day 568, Furry articles

Cats aren't generally known for their friendship with other cats, this pair however seem to get along splendidly.  Neighbour cats from different homes, they meet up and bound around with each other like kittens.

They follow each other all over and can often be seen together in places all around their local territory.

Here they are having a kip in our long grass.

Top quality mobile phone image of cats

It's now not possible to cut the grass as it will remove their resting spots.

That's my excuse at least.




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Day 566, Minus 1 Plus 2

Two for the price of one, get your lime mortar here.

Ask yourself, "do I need lime mortar?"

You might not think you do but a cursory look around me now and I can see three applications.  Perhaps you can see some near you.

There's the fireback, if you have a wood burner or a traditional coal fire the flue almost certainly was built using lime mortar.  It stands up well to heat.

There's the garden wall.  You could use any mortar for this but lime mortar has characteristics of porosity and flexibility which make it suitable when building with softer materials such as natural stone.

There are the general properties of freeze-thaw resistance and water retention that are useful for other applications.  Ok, this isn't an explicit application as advertised above but hey, I'm not an expert, if you want in-depth lime mortar knowledge you need to look elsewhere.

And here is the source, number 1 in lime mortars.  Twice.

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