I’m here today to talk to you about success.
That's right, success. And the steps you need to take to be a top operator in the world of business.
Imagine a world where that success could be yours.
What if I were to tell you that that world is closer than you could possibly imagine.
Now I'm nothing special. In fact I may come across as completely wooden - but that’s because I am! (cue laughter from the fourth bear from the left on the front row)
But seriously... I am wooden.
I’ve had to live with that. But, from an early age I knew it wasn’t going to hold me back. I took my lead from the top CEOs I’d heard about, right from when I was still only a sapling. The top CEOs didn’t let being wooden hold them back.
And they didn’t let being psychopathic manipulative control freaking shit-weazles hold them back either.
No.
They utilised that power for being an unpleasant clack-fondler for their own ends.
And oh boy did that pay off. And big time.
I have spent a lot of time not researching this subject. And I have spent an enormous amount of time over and above that making even more of my hard earned apparent knowledge up.
And you know what... It shows.
Because of that time I haven’t spent I thought I would share some of that ignorance with you.
Those top CEOs are very successful.
You know… Success is a funny thing. People measure success in all sorts of ways. I have chosen to measure success by how much money these CEOs have managed to make. It is the obvious, and only, metric. And I have measured their success by how much money they have managed to keep hold of even in the face of unspeakable claims made against them by redundant employees, rinsed pension funds, and overly curious tax inspectors.
Many of these successful CEOs get up at 4:30 am.
Many even more successful CEOs hardly sleep at all, which surprises me immensely given their complete lack of conscience... Which is a good thing.
Other successful CEOs read a book every single day.
That book is “How to be a Complete Shiz-smearer and Earn Admiration and Respect from Scum as you Grind Their Faces in the Dirt” - it is a classic read filled with essential CEO advice. Advice such as how to step on fingers while ascending the ladder, how to double deal, and how to undermine any threat from other prospective uber-CEO material allowing them to take the credit for deficiencies.
Many other successful CEOs are just intolerable bullies. But hey, if it works don’t knock it.
Eventually I myself made it to the position of top successful CEO at many of my own short-lived businesses.
I gained what I believed was respect. Certainly that’s how I interpreted it. Respect from people that feared what I could do to them at a moment's notice with no opportunity for reprisal or appeal for unfair dismissal.
That respect was deserved.
And that respect has made me press on, continuing to build my portfolio of cash.
But there are downsides.
We all have to accept failure. It is, after all, how we learn.
I have failed many times. Yes, I know, that surprises you doesn't it?
And when those moments of failure arrive I have learned to always make sure to have all my cash safely offshore before the final closing moment arrives. It is also a valuable lesson I taught my employees and creditors, and in my generosity I did not charge them for it, which was only fair as they didn’t have anything left to give.
I shared my failure with them - I am not saying I am a generous person, but that is the obvious explanation - and if they had any sense they would learn from it.
So that's why you see me here today. Successful, measured by any evaluation which respects cash acquisition as the true arbiter.
Which leads me on to some final words, which I am not yet going to charge for.
What is the take home message?
The message underpinning this is, no matter how wooden you might be, always be flexible and swift to mobilise any assets. Always plan ahead by having all funds liquid and in someone else's name, preferably in some sunny location such as Monaco. And always, always be sure to give the credit for shortcomings to those at the bottom of the ladder.
That’s my story of success in the world of business, now let that be a lesson to you.
That's right, success. And the steps you need to take to be a top operator in the world of business.
Imagine a world where that success could be yours.
What if I were to tell you that that world is closer than you could possibly imagine.
Now I'm nothing special. In fact I may come across as completely wooden - but that’s because I am! (cue laughter from the fourth bear from the left on the front row)
But seriously... I am wooden.
I’ve had to live with that. But, from an early age I knew it wasn’t going to hold me back. I took my lead from the top CEOs I’d heard about, right from when I was still only a sapling. The top CEOs didn’t let being wooden hold them back.
And they didn’t let being psychopathic manipulative control freaking shit-weazles hold them back either.
No.
They utilised that power for being an unpleasant clack-fondler for their own ends.
And oh boy did that pay off. And big time.
I have spent a lot of time not researching this subject. And I have spent an enormous amount of time over and above that making even more of my hard earned apparent knowledge up.
And you know what... It shows.
Because of that time I haven’t spent I thought I would share some of that ignorance with you.
Those top CEOs are very successful.
You know… Success is a funny thing. People measure success in all sorts of ways. I have chosen to measure success by how much money these CEOs have managed to make. It is the obvious, and only, metric. And I have measured their success by how much money they have managed to keep hold of even in the face of unspeakable claims made against them by redundant employees, rinsed pension funds, and overly curious tax inspectors.
Many of these successful CEOs get up at 4:30 am.
Many even more successful CEOs hardly sleep at all, which surprises me immensely given their complete lack of conscience... Which is a good thing.
Other successful CEOs read a book every single day.
That book is “How to be a Complete Shiz-smearer and Earn Admiration and Respect from Scum as you Grind Their Faces in the Dirt” - it is a classic read filled with essential CEO advice. Advice such as how to step on fingers while ascending the ladder, how to double deal, and how to undermine any threat from other prospective uber-CEO material allowing them to take the credit for deficiencies.
Many other successful CEOs are just intolerable bullies. But hey, if it works don’t knock it.
Eventually I myself made it to the position of top successful CEO at many of my own short-lived businesses.
I gained what I believed was respect. Certainly that’s how I interpreted it. Respect from people that feared what I could do to them at a moment's notice with no opportunity for reprisal or appeal for unfair dismissal.
That respect was deserved.
And that respect has made me press on, continuing to build my portfolio of cash.
But there are downsides.
We all have to accept failure. It is, after all, how we learn.
I have failed many times. Yes, I know, that surprises you doesn't it?
And when those moments of failure arrive I have learned to always make sure to have all my cash safely offshore before the final closing moment arrives. It is also a valuable lesson I taught my employees and creditors, and in my generosity I did not charge them for it, which was only fair as they didn’t have anything left to give.
I shared my failure with them - I am not saying I am a generous person, but that is the obvious explanation - and if they had any sense they would learn from it.
So that's why you see me here today. Successful, measured by any evaluation which respects cash acquisition as the true arbiter.
Which leads me on to some final words, which I am not yet going to charge for.
What is the take home message?
The message underpinning this is, no matter how wooden you might be, always be flexible and swift to mobilise any assets. Always plan ahead by having all funds liquid and in someone else's name, preferably in some sunny location such as Monaco. And always, always be sure to give the credit for shortcomings to those at the bottom of the ladder.
That’s my story of success in the world of business, now let that be a lesson to you.
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