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The result of high intensity interval training (HIIT), rubber legs.
Some forms of HIIT are supposed to have a dramatic impact on fat burning, most forms are good for the cardiovascular system.
I'm assuming I have a cardiovascular system, I certainly have fat.
And the fat doesn't appear to be decreasing at as rapid a rate as expected.
But weight is decreasing, 1.7Kg in 14 days, which seems slow but probably isn't that slow.
Here are some random numbers that the 'magic' weighing device has assumed by some secret and strange measurement.
For official/internal use only:
7676
0-9
For one day only, Rubber Feet on special offer.
Never slip again with these patented foot replacement units.
Just remove your current feet (bone amputation saw not provided) and adhere these super-grip rubber ones to your bloody stumps.
"So much more convenient" - Mrs Tench, North Wales
"A boon to the housebound" - Mr E Pike, Cumbria
"Remind me of home" - Mr Rudd, Framlingham
"So much more convenient" - Mrs Grayling, Wincanton
"What the fuck have I done, arggghhhhhhh" - Mr A Gudgeon, Appin, Argyleshire
For official/internal use only:
7777
0-9
In the post apocalyptic wasteland, where people stood trees now recline.
What would once have been derided for being idle, lazy, or a scrounger, no longer has vituperative language aimed at it.
It doesn't matter to the tree, it has had its moment.
The end hastened by cuts made to its mobility allowance.
Unable to travel the tree no longer worked.
It was 'released' by the employer.
And being assumed to have voluntarily made itself workless the tree lost access to other benefits.
The lack of base nutrients, a helping of intense wind, and eventually the tree collapsed with no chance of recovery.
Decomposition started.
The detritivore community immediately moved in, of interest to the Daily Mail, before the copse was cold.
And the surrounding tree community breathed a sigh of relief, "it wasn't me".
For official/internal use only:
7777
0-9
On a hillside near you.
Secreted behind a lump of oversized moss.
Surrounded by an arbitrary sensory disruption field.
Lie the Sontaran look out posts.
They are everywhere, and you will find them if you know how to look.
And you have taken the correct sort of mind altering substance with which to counter the disruption field.
A slope with trees, where you have a vaguely perceptible visual disturbance or odd collection of thoughts.
Two pinches of Three Castles Tobacco, a dash of Tabasco sauce, and the white spots from the fly agaric mushroom.
Steeped overnight in thimble full of export grade Vimto.
Drink it down in one go when in the vicinity of what you believe to be a disruption field.
Wait for twenty two minutes then blink twice, turn through 360 degrees, and stare.
If your hunch is right you will see the posts, their shapes almost identical to that of a Sontaran battle helm.
Then run away, what on earth are you doing you fool.
For official/internal use only:
7777
0-9
Memories, of a poached egg on cheese on toast*
Blurred then enhanced unsharp mask memories, of the snacks we ate
Spattered images of the yolks we left behind
Compliments we gave to one another for the way we ate
Can it be there was only one egg left
Or was it saved for another time
If the chance arose to eat it all again, tell me, would we, could we**
Memories, may be sating now and yet
What's chewed but doesn't hit the spot we simply choose to reject
So it's the complementary flavours we remember
Whenever we remember the snacks we ate
The snacks we ate
* With bird's eye chillies and ketchup.
** Yes, yes, of course, as soon as the grill is fixed.
For official/internal use only:
7777
0-9
Deep water is no obstacle, humans float.
And bathing isn't what we're here for, that's too passive.
We're going to burn through some Ergs.
Force through the water with intensity
Keep pushing to your VO2 Max.
Force past the pain, build oxygen debt.
You can keep going, ignore the pain.
And when you've reached the other side just beach yourself on the reservoir slope.
Remain until you have recovered the energy to run away from the approaching Water Authority representative.
For official/internal use only:
7777
0-9
Like the rays of light from the smallest supermassive inverse black hole.
Like the moment before your head is sliced off by the approaching turboprop.
Like peering up through the plughole when falling in the sink after supping the bottle labelled 'Drink Me'.
Three things very similar to the middle of a dartboard after scoring nothing with all darts.
For official/internal use only:
7777
0-9
