Day 471, No direction

Sheffield Midland station, platform 6a.

The wrong platform for where we're going.

Northern Powerhouse?

No electrification here I'm afraid.

And with the 'government' planning to close the Sheffield Business, Innovation and Skills office ...

The idea of this being a Northern Powerhouse becomes even more laughable.

Hypocrites, shysters, clowns.

The lot of 'em.

It isn't us that's on the wrong platform.

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Day 470, Levenshulme, gateway to the stars

The British amateur space programme, where is it and what is it up to?

It may not have been at the forefront of your mind but it does exist and work is underway.

In the back gardens of an ordinary Levenshulme street, we can see the tell tale signs.

Siddall Street is the place and the primary launch stages can be seen below.

Here using what appears to be basic technology is an example of first stage ignition.

The small coloured disks in a number of back gardens give it away.

Tiny children are used to bounce across increasingly larger 'trampolines'.

From garden to garden, increasing energy input, increasing height.

And the hope is to eventually gain velocity enough to achieve low Earth orbit.

People may scoff now, but what Manchester does today, the rest of the world does tomorrow.

https://www.google.co.uk/maps/@53.4505081,-2.194961,70m/data=!3m1!1e3

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Day 469, Don't tip super fly

Feeling a bit fly, got cash to burn?

Even so, don't do it.

Taxi driver efficiency and lack of conversation?

Don't do it.

Great service from the waiting staff?

Don't do it.

Tipping that is, especially if you are 'super fly'.*

Otherwise you might be hit with a hefty fine.

...

Oh, hang on, I've taken something literally and out of context.

Do tip.

* As in cool, great, awesome, rather than the film of the same name.


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Day 468, The University is Open

T-shirt mechanics volume 22.

Holes are required for the arms to come out of.

And there should be an exit hole for the head.

All of the above require an aperture for entry, and the torso should gain access via the same route.

There will be an exam on this later so please take note.*

* This has no relation to the work involved in doing an OU degree.



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Day 467, Cat shed

The whiskers of the guest cat

Test the shed's insides

And rolling on the door mat

Absorbs the scents implied

By distant and departed cats

That used to here preside*

Rub, roll and spin then back upright

The cat recharged with static 

And without so much of a "Right, I'm off"

The cat disappears

Enigmatic

* 'Preside' is a word almost only ever used when trying to rhyme, 72.6% of usage in fact.




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Day 466, More string theory

At last the lengths of wire have arrived.

At last you say?

Yes, that's right, these were due some time ago.

What was the delay?

No delay, apparently they arrived last week and were left with a neighbour but Fedex didn't put a card through.

No way?

Way.

No way!

Way.

Etc.

If a prehistoric film reference of dubious quality is the best you can do then that's it, I'm leaving.

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Day 465, Vital statistics?

This is all you need to know to identify the object.

I'd completely forgotten what it was.

"Why do I have a picture of the part number of some unidentified item?"

Now I can remember what it is I am asking myself.

"Why do I have a picture of the part number of this item?"

Vital chairstistics

No.  No idea.


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Day 464, Pause

The mistake made here should be obvious.

Let's just take a moment to think about it.

...

The garden riddle has been allowed to clog up with stones.

A much less fine grade of riddle should have been used in the first instance to remove the more coarse miniliths.

I range of finer grades of riddle could then be used until the level of granularity required had been achieved.

Having said all that though there is no indication of scale visible in the image.

The stones could be just a few millimetres in diameter.

And the photograph taken with a macro lens.

None of the above is true.

This is in fact a picture of some porridge oats with the colour desaturated.*

* People will believe anything.



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Day 463, Half pint infra-red

World of gadgets is proud to present the infra-red camera usb phone add-on.

The FLIR ONE is the model that my associate was using.

As can be seen below the hand-Jaipur interface is around 22.4 degrees C.

Awesome, with this information my life is now complete.

Beyond that, if pointed at the human form it makes a person's head look bloated and zombie like.

Which is another winner for me, who wouldn't want a bloated zombie-like head.

My personal gadget choice would be one that has a klaxon which goes "Aroogah Aroogah"

And then says:

"Stop drinking immediately, the threshold where you will feel URGH tomorrow has now been reached."

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Day 462, Random token of storage

Didn't memory cards used to big.

This one is 1.2 metres long.

Incredible isn't it that we used to think such things were cutting edge technology.

A storage device longer than the human arm.

Astonishing.

If you search the internets there will no doubt be photographs of these devices.

Men (usually men) in brown overalls carrying them onto buses, into cars, and onto trains.

Handling them with special grappling equipment designed to prevent static discharge.

Or pictures of women, in glossy magazine adverts, smiling whilst loading them into some piece of clunky tech.

Of course you can't even see these things now they're so small.

Specialist hand models with microscopic digits are used to illustrate how simple storage in the modern world is.

Now storage of the storage is not a problem anymore.

But finding the stuff is, I think I've lost 20 Terabytes between the floorboards.

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Day 461, Lardy cakes architects

Lard like lumps grease the floor making leaf cakes outside the former offices of Bucknall Austin building consultants.

Quite swanky in the late 1980s.

Now private flats.

The forecourt isn't as tidy as it used to be.

And it's all looking a little drab.

They should get some building consultants in to sort it out.*

* I have no idea what building consultants do, I suspect it isn't "hello building, what is your opinion on this matter?"


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Day 460, Georgian backside

Behind the facade, the loose mortar of the ill rendered rear entrance.

That's right, there isn't any render.

I just liked the sound of the words.

And the inadvertent and almost but not quite innuendo.

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Day 459, Good arrers

Rack 'em up.

Eyes down for a full house.

The hare is loose.

Er, no, hang on, none of those is right.

ONE HUNDRED AND EIGHTY.

That's more like it.

Although nearly 80 more than my randomly and accidentally achieved best score.

And surprisingly wearing on the arm muscles - I'm assuming I'm doing it right?

So that's it, make sure the pointy end is aimed toward the triple treble 20, and chuck it.

Really must get that wall painted ...

... and fill in those newly acquired small holes.



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Day 458, Taylor's Eye Witness Works

What's in the works?

Who knows, not the steel industry that's for sure.

Long moved out.

Sheffield might well be producing more steel now than at any time in previous history, but it isn't flatware.*

Special steel, fancy steel.**

If you were to visit one of the steel stockholders you'd see it stacked in warehouses like gold bars.

Short lengths, different grades, different properties, in stacks often no more than a metre high.

The salespeople speak multiple languages.

Telephone trade in these businesses takes place constantly.

Trade with those that may have a requirement and trade with those that have asked for a specific product.

Every item is meticulously prepared, down to the finest metric tolerances.

Tiny piles of steel worth many thousands of pounds and shipped worldwide.

Not flatware.

That's history.

* 'flatware' is a term used in the USA, although in Sheffield it has been a common term used for cutlery since the 19thC, probably due to the US sales market.

** Special steels are particularly pure forms of steel in the variety of different alloy forms.


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Day 457, Empty Firth House, tuition fees, maintenance grants

Mark Firth a steel manufacturer, Master Cutler, and Lord Mayor of Sheffield once lived here in Firth House.

The listed building is currently having a little work done.  There has been some wear and tear over time.  Firth House has been the home for many University departments but after the final department recently moved out I believe that the building no longer belongs to the University.  Presumably the new owner has decided that this is an opportune moment to get things done.

My first experience of Firth House was when it was the location for the Department of Continuing Education.  This was an arm of the University that provided a wide variety of courses for the public.  These courses included many on local history, geography, guides to local flora and fauna (with field trips), and others on languages.  There were courses on all sorts of things that would be of interest to people in or out of work, or retired, including one course which was designed to get people up to speed for entry to University.

The Department of Continuing Education has long since moved on, changed name, and moved on, and changed name, etc.  This constantly shifting base suggests that it isn't the most fashionable of departments.  But the value it gave to the local community was significant and these types of courses were run by many colleges and universities across the country.

The cost of the courses went up over time, as was to be expected.  The introduction of tuition fees however changed the make up of which services it was practical to provide.  The new fees effectively put paid to the general courses and now very few further education establishments run them.  The focus now is almost exclusively on part-time or full time degree courses or certificates in higher education.  Most of the course lecture times are now during the day whereas previously they were mainly in the evening.  If you are working in a traditional nine to five job then these courses are not available to you.

An effect of the introduction of tuition fees has been to price the general courses out of the market, they may have been worthwhile but they are not profitable enough to run.  And while the loss of those courses has a great impact on those wishing to continue to learn for the pleasure of learning there has been a much greater impact on those that wish to enhance their career prospects.  I know many people that returned to education purely because these courses were available in the evenings and because they were affordable.

The changes to the fee system and how these types of courses in colleges and universities are now organised will put off many people.  Barely any of the people I knew that took courses in the past would be able to make their way into University or enhance their career prospects now.

How is this fair and equitable that the low paid or the unemployed no longer have an opportunity to progress?

When tuition fees were introduced by a previous Labour government this opened the door for continued increases.  Under the Tories further increases have taken place and further burdens placed on the poor and low paid, the removal of the Education Maintenance Allowance (EMA) in England is one example.

The removal of EMA directly affects students from less well off backgrounds as it was often the enabler for them to stay in education beyond the age of 16.  And now the Tories, without a vote, without open debate, and not mentioned at any point by them previously in their manifesto or leader debates, have undemocratically decided to scrap maintenance grants. 

Maintenance grants are available to students from the lowest income backgrounds and are to cover living costs of up to £3387 per year.  Those students fortunate enough to be able to get to university from poorer backgrounds are now also under attack.  All of this because it is unpalatable to fund education from taxes.  And the losers in all of this are those that haven't been fortunate enough to have been born into reasonably comfortable homes.

It stinks.




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Day 456, Up town, up tempo

How many beats per minute?

That's like fast hardcore techno.

Only a robot with the fastest servos with the smoothest bearings could keep up with that.

You mean like the TGY-306G-HV ultra fast high torque servo?

Yes, I probably mean that.*

And what on earth is Deep Rock?

"Deep Rock stars in - Too Fast For You Grandad."

Ha, yeah, that's very funny.**

And G minor, honestly, what are they thinking.***

There's nowt up with the key it's just the tempo, the floor is covered in bits of shredded finger.

Time to back away from the beat-box, put down the guitar, get your inhaler out, and sit down.

Yes, you're right, this is hazardous.

Save modified file and ...

EXIT

* Nope, no idea, just busking that answer.
** Who else put up with this ffs?
*** Ah yes, the unaccountable 'they' that control everything, probably the Bilderbergers.


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Day 455, Thinking. Tried it, too hard

It's a lot easier not to bother.

You can then get on with believing any old tripe that occurs to you.

And be a happy, if ignorant, fuckwit.

But hang on, what weird belief have I inserted there?

Well it's a supposition rather than a belief, containing a rash generalisation and an assumption.

Aren't you veering into pedantry now?

Possibly.

So you can be either happy and ignorant, or unhappy and filled with knowledge?

No, that's a false dichotomy.

Believing 'any old tripe' is the world of many a tabloid, and broadsheet, reader.

What about being a fuckwit?

Anyone can be a fuckwit, no matter how much or little they think.

And ignorance?

No, that's not purely the province of the non-thinker either.

Ok, what about being a pedant?

Well, I only got as far as 'A' during my journey before giving up so have no idea.*

* And Blackadder fans, there was no mention at all of Aardvark.

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Day 454, Revolting t-shirt

This t-shirt is revolting.

Many of the letters are rebelling.

Rising up.

Curling up may be more appropriate.

The revolution will not be YouTubed.

That's why this is a still image.

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Day 453, Key skills

Yes I know, annoying isn't it.

Well, clichéd anyway.

Does that annoy me?

Not really, it's just a little bit short on effort when you know people can do better.

Here's a picture of a key.

Skilz!

Yeah, it doesn't improve with repetition does it.

Maybe it's an idea to separate out concerns.

Be very specific about what is being asked.

And making sure that no more work than necessary is created.

Ghosts, freed

We're better than that, unlock that talent*, let's do it.**





* Last line, have to get a reference in to the title.
** Feels almost worthy of an exclamation mark, but we don't want to get too 'self-help' about this shit.


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Day 452, Counter fit

Batteries replaced.

Now the counter is fit.

A spinny thing, the Powerball, will now function as intended.

Unfortunately my wrists are too weak to make any impact on the world record scores.

Did I say 'unfortunately'?  I meant I have no interest in this type of competition.

Although if I attach a rubber disk to the Dremmel, or a much more powerful drill then ...

That would be cheating, something that I would advise never to do.

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Day 451, Walter Wall

Your task is to find where Walter is in this wall.

Walter is there in plain sight, just obscured due to the stripey top she is wearing.

Once you have discovered where Walter is you will also discover your prize.

Walter has been described as a chameleon, but that's just a cliché.

Here we can see Walter displaying a healthy disregard for pointing.

And who else could disguise their bond with that of English Garden Wall.

A unique talent hidden somewhere here.

Oh hang on, I am mistaken, Walter isn't there at all.


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Day 450, The hidden power

Keep a tidy substation and the electrons will look after themselves, that's what I was told.

No idea why the postman insisted on saying it but here it is, a tidy substation.

The one pictured below is a distribution substation.

These things can be seen all over suburban areas if you know what to look for.

A give away tends to be the 'Danger of Death - Keep Out' sign against a green painted background of a set of wooden doors.

It's not often they're as visible or open to the elements as this.

Even this one isn't as obvious as it appears, and most probably walk past without noticing it.

It's where I hide my super power.

A super-substation

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Day 449, Apples, nuts, IPA

Didn't eat the apples.

Didn't eat the nuts.

Drank the IPA.

How many units of alcohol was that?

The ABV is 7.1%, the size of the can is 330ml.

(7.1 x 330) / 1000 = 2.343

So 2.3 units from one small can of beer.

Under new recommendations that means you should drink no more than 6 measures of beer of this size and strength per week.

Bollocks to that*.

* Tempted to drink more than that even though usual weekly intake is much less out of juvenile bloody mindedness.


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Day 448, Battery chart two, read the bottom line

Teeny weenie batteries for a thing that spins round a lot.  Not to power the spinning but to count the spin.

No this is not some LHC experiment from CERN*.  The size of the power units required ought to be a give away to that.

The batteries are for a Powerball, a device which supposedly helps in strengthening wrists and grip.

I'm not overly convinced that the device does what it says, the medical evidence is thin on the ground.

I certainly couldn't find anything other than hearsay or anecdotal evidence, no actual scientific data.

It's a coincidence that the batteries are sitting on a set of charts of warm up exercises for guitar - the Powerball is cited by some as helping strengthen hands for guitar playing.

The only reason I took a picture of them was to see what type the batteries were.

To paraphrase Peter Cook - The writing is too small for the human eye, which is what I am equipped with.

And it is possible to increase the size of the image just by using human fingers, which I am also equipped with, oh and a smart phone of course.

There may be exercises to reverse hardening of the lens in the eye, although I expect they would have difficulty holding the weights.

* Spin, let me Google that for you.


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Day 447, On The Move

This festival was to be in Rother Valley Country Park but due to foot and mouth it was moved to the Don Valley Grass Bowl.

The only band I can recall seeing on that day was one made up from members of both The Specials and The Selecter, Pauline Black was the main vocalist.  They aren't listed but they were definitely there, The Star provides an indication that my memory isn't completely mashed.

Apparently Ozric Tentacles played on the Sunday.

Here's their set list as some sort of proof:

Intro / O-i
Vita Voom
Pyramidion
Saucers
Oakum
Erpland
Sunscape
Sploosh!

Which sounds about right.  They did no tracks from the Swirly Termination or Curious Corn albums, which I think are quite neat, Oolite Groove if only for the title.

Ha ha, like I'm an expert on this and their psychedelic electronica*.

Here's the full event lineup copied from Festivals Incorporated**, although I suspect quite a bit of this changed - and there definitely weren't 3000 people there.


Another festival affected by Foot and Mouth and thus moved to a new location at Don Valley Grass Bowl, rather than Rother Valley Country Park. Camping has yet to be confirmed on this site.

The festival will last from 12 noon Saturday until 11.30pm Sunday, with five live stages, with a mix of rock and indie, hip-hop and reggae, Latin, House, techno, garage and more.

Saturday includes: Michael Dog, Sol Ray, The Pranksterz, Dave Atomizer, Lisa Pin Up, Manchild (Live), Black Umfolosi, Headmix, Sansaar, Nucleus Roots, The Cooper Temple Clause, Gay Dad, Regular Fries, Freestylers, Kosheen, J Majik
Sunday includes: Mark Sinclair, Big Ron Atomizer, Zen Terrorists (live), Leroy (Prodigy), Andy Farley, Banco de Gaia (live), Disoriental, E2K, R. Cajun, Zion Train, Mabulu, Kissmet, Ozric Tentcles, Stanton Warriers, Mark B & Blade

Other attractions include: circus acts and side shows in a childrens area; a fairground; Doncaster's Earth Centre will be displaying and demonstrating alternative and renewable energy sources, and other environmental themes; a selection of food stalls, craft stalls, trade stands, three beer marquees, continental cafe/bar.

Overnight camping facilities will hopefully be available for around 3,000 people.

Look, the ticket is mimicking an old pound note.


* This is my only area of expertise, and unfortunately I know nowt about it.
** There's no such thing.


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Day 446, Old Testament

Someone appears to have left an old New Testament on a wall.

Your once in a lifetime opportunity to take possession of a commemorative New Testament.

Designed with a Union Jack cover to celebrate the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee in 2012.

Is this in the hope of converting monarchist non-believer passers by?

On one website it's described as 'Limited Edition' in a sentence including the words 'over 44000 sold on Easter weekend alone'.

That stretches the conventional meaning of Limited Edition by some margin.

Anyhow, I left it alone.

It was no longer there when I passed by again later.

Perhaps a good Samaritan had picked it up.

If only I still lived on Jericho Street.


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Day 445, Do the shake

Do the shake.

The rattlesnake shake.

Or if you don't want to do that in this time of inclement weather, wear more clothes.

But then that would be to misinterpret this song completely.

Check out the groovy chicks and the hep cats dancing to this double-shuffle beat.

Fleetwood Mac - Rattlesnake Shake

Ha ha, I didn't know that was what it's about.



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