Day 505, High rise, high life, flawless

The sign of quality private rental accommodation.

What's that you say, there's such a thing as quality private rental?

No, of course there isn't, not unless you've got a pile of cash.

Ah, so what's the standard?

Private rental often equates to something like that pictured below.

Surely not?

Sure, one place was missing a back door and all the ground level floor boards.

Bet that provided an amusing adventure game when coming back from the pub?

It did, imagine getting stuck under the joists when reclaiming a lightbulb.

What?

Very amusing using stepladders with no floor, the board-movers had also removed the kitchen light.

There must be something better?

Yes, these sheds have doors, floors and are multi-storey.

Classy, let's move in immediately.

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Day 504, Snow Porch

That's no Porsche.

What?  It looks like a Porsche.

No, look, that snow porch.

Eh?  It looks like one.

No, that porch, covered in snow.

I thought you meant.  Oh whatever.

You cloth eared fool.*

Ok, sod this, let's go to the pub.

* Bloody tinnitus.


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Day 503, The floating chimneys of Taptonville

Fred Dibnah, noted for bringing down the tallest of chimneys with bits of burning wood, would scratch his head and chuckle.

"That'd tek no effort, what chuff put that up, eh?"

That's a direct quote.

Chimneys, a short stack perched on top of the 'A' frame, made of something which resembles brick.

But cannot possibly be real bricks, they would surely be unstable even without the high winds of Crookes.

They are almost certainly some variant of this, a flue block system made of pumice concrete.

Thus ends this brief detour into modern chimney technology.

Floating chimneys, doing Dibnah out of a job.

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Day 502, Tree reduction

Everybody loves trees, unless you're one of those weirdos people that don't.

Homes for squirrels, perches for birds, relatively safe landing spots for failed parachutists.

And so much more than that.

What would we do without them lining our stroll to work.

Naked skies, wind ripped ground, the propensity to be carried away in floods.

We could be blown off our legs.

All of the above and much worse.

What am I going to climb when I'm ninety, for goodness sake.

Tree reduction.

Enough already.

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Day 501, Fix it with vinegar and brown paper

Dear Sub Editor,

I'm afraid I'm bruised and out of action.

Could you please write some pseudo-intellectual stuff with a few obscure references here.

Then somewhere further down finish it with something that could be interpreted as an 'ah ha' moment.

Oh yes, and don't forget to refer back to something either in the subject or the start.

Regards,

Jack and Jill

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Day 500, Arrggghhhhh!

In bed on Sunday night it occurred to me that it was only about 5 minutes since leaving work on Friday.

This then lead to thinking how quickly days pass.

Which lead to thinking that it felt like there was about a fortnight of life left.

And that lead to a panic attack.

Arrgggghhhhh!

An out of control feeling where grip on reality is lost.

It is likely that gravity will fail and you will be hurled off spinning into the sun.

The pillow is of no help.

This lasted about 5 minutes.

Which felt like an entire weekend.

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Day 499, A bit of fluff

Who would have thought that poking a phone camera inside a guitar would be so tricky.

It didn't appear to be problematic at first.*

I put the phone inside the body and took a few pics.

However...

Due to a bug with the Nexus 4 camera the flash doesn't always sync correctly unless focus has been achieved.**

If very dark it is not possible to focus.

And triple jointed 30cm pencil-thin fingers are needed to focus in this arrangement.

The results were either completely dark or out of focus images.

From outside the problem went away.

Here bracing is visible as well as part of the kerfed side.

That's the technical stuff over with.

It looks very woody.

And I've got blisters on my fingers.***

Fluff?****

* The traditional problem here should have been losing the phone inside, but oh no, this is less exciting than that.
** Google acknowledge the bug here, downgrade to the previous camera version (2.4.018 (1836172-30)) to fix it.
*** This is perfectly normal for guitar wranglers, strictly speaking they are callouses, It was Ringo that had the blisters. 
**** Yes, there was a small amount of fluff in there in the opposite direction to the camera.


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