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Here are my New Year resolutions, 1 to 12.
Resolution number 1: Don't make New Year resolutions, just do the thing anyway whatever the time of year. If you recognise that there is an issue then choose to address it or choose to accept it.
Resolution number 2-8: As above.
Revolution number 9: The Beatles, White Album.
The White Album transports me back to a time of bizarre, jam-jar cocktails - pre-hipster by nearly 30 years - and alcohol infused madness, I dubbed them Earthquakes after the cocktail invented by Toulouse-Lautrec.
Perhaps they weren't jam jars, maybe pickled onion jars, it matters little other than they tasted of neither jam nor pickle. What did matter was that it was a suitable receptacle for traversing the optics behind the two bars in the city centre pub where a friend worked first thing in the morning, assuming the local, small-time, gangland hatchets weren't there.
Pernod, no matter how little there is, the taste dominates.
Some problems are never addressed.
Arriving already pissed by 10am and sharing the spoils, it's odd how quickly a person can get used to that amount of strong alcohol at that time of day.
And she continued, where I never could.
No resolution.
For official/internal use only:
And the winner is!
As evidenced by the numerous endorsements applied to the windscreen this car was the favourite of the judging panel.
Unusually there was not much finesse or technique present, but I cannot question the impartiality of the judges.
A sure-fire sign that this was a worthy contender is the position of the rump.
The rear of the vehicle is teasingly placed well into the path of traffic on the adjacent main road.
This entrant was well aware that the "20MPH" signs on the below road are rarely observed.
Just one example of the use of initiative - it isn't just the transport, it is the environment too.
Observe the single wheel on the pavement and the breaching of the double-yellow lines.
And the expected blocking of the main pavement route.
These are a gentle nod to the nature of the competition.
Not going over the top to impress, a small collection of well calculated infringements.
Winning two stick-on tickets and a paper commendation under the passenger windscreen wiper.
Well done.
For official/internal use only:
No this driver has not lost their marbles, they are a competing in this year's Park Like a Joyrider contest.
A new entrant with a new style.
No dangerous bodywork on the vehicle restricts the opportunity for snagging innocent parties.
However, there is a clearly deliberate complete failure to achieve congress with a provided parking space.
And indeed the space is also blocked for anyone else that may wish to use it.
There is also a beautifully blocked pavement in two directions, that's a little touch of class.
A promising start for this one
Areas for refinement next year could be:
Dangle of the rear end into the 'live' road area.
A broken wing mirror with shards of glass.
Rear wiper blade missing and the wiper poking out perpendicular to the vehicle.
A deflated tyre.
Use some initiative and try to improvise, no marks will be lost for experimentation.
For official/internal use only:
